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Saul & David:
God Teaches About Domestic Violence
Where is God in all the domestic violence going on?
Does He really care? Yes!
Because God not only cares, but loves us and wants to preserve our lives,
His Word includes instruction and advice about domestic violence.
One of the places we find this is in the story of King Saul and David in
the book of 1 Samuel, in the Old Testament. The story of Saul and David provides
a study of the patterns often seen in cases of domestic violence.
Domestic violence is a pattern of
misuse of power and control used against a household member or intimate partner.
It is an attempt to coerce, intimidate, and control through emotional,
verbal, physical, sexual, financial, religious, or other means.
Domestic violence is more about power
and control than about gender. The
domestic violence we see King Saul carry out against David is between two males,
yet it shows many of the patterns typically seen in spousal abuse today.
The story of Saul and David helps us
to understand what goes on in domestic violence relationships. Even if you've
already left such a situation, this portion of 1 Samuel can help you to
·
Deal safely with a domestic
violence relationship
·
Understand what may have happened
in a past relationship
·
Protect yourself in future
relationships
·
Teach your children to recognize
and respond to domestic violence that might occur in their future relationships
You are encouraged to read ahead through chapters16-26 of 1 Samuel.
You will see that Saul showed many of the characteristics frequently seen
among domestic violence abusers, including:
1.
Blames his abuse on David, the
victim
2.
Has history of not taking
responsibility for his actions, and using excuses
3.
Narcissism (the world revolves
around him and what he wants)
4.
Extreme jealousy
5.
Controlling, watches
his victim's every move
6.
Likes to bend or break
the rules and defy the "system;" is rebellious
7.
May lie or not keep his
word
8.
Repeatedly abuses, asks
for forgiveness, then repeats the abuse
9.
Becomes obsessive about
David and stalks him
10.
His religion was mostly
an outward "show" to impress others
11.
He twists the intents
and meanings of others, and sees evil in others' motives
12.
Lacks empathy, and a
willingness to sacrifice others to get what he wants
13.
Is insecure
14.
Uses his position or
power as a license to abuse
15.
Had difficulty loving
his son
16.
Probable trauma or
generational sin in his upbringing (see Judges 20)
17.
Can at times seem
"possessed" or "out of his mind"
As you read these chapters in the Bible, you will also see that
David’s experiences matched those of many domestic violence
victims today. He:
1.
Tried to appease his
abuser and had to "walked on eggshells" around him
2.
Found that all his
efforts to appease his abuser and avoid violence didn’t work
3.
Grew up with abuse in
his family of origin: his brothers were abusive to him, and father
treated
him as inferior
4.
Found that some people
were not willing to believe he was being abused
5.
Was stalked after
fleeing his abuser
The
story of Saul and David has much to teach us about dealing with
domestic violence. We
have a God who provides wisdom from His Word to meet our every need (2Timothy 3:16) and who has promised to teach and guide us (Psalm
25:8, 9; Psalm 23:3)!
Discussion
Question:
1. Do you
recognize any of Saul's characteristics in a domestic violence
perpetrator you have known? If you have been a victim of
domestic violence, do you recognize any of David's experiences in
your own life?
2..-An
abuser's background may provide clues for predicting future abuse:
growing up with abuse; having trouble with authorities or the law;
abusing a previous partner. Can
you see any of these patterns in an abusive person you have known?
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