Sometimes battered Christian women feel they must remain in a dangerous home environment because they are bound by vows they made to God at the time of their marriage.  They may believe they must stay at all costs to themselves and their children--even if it kills them. 

A study of vows and covenants in the Bible will show us that God does not intend to trap His people in situations that are harmful for them.  We have a merciful God of grace who is not legalistic, who promises to be with us always, and who loves us and desires our well-being.[1]  Though we are under the grace of God and not the Law (Old Testament rules; see Romans 6:14 ), the Law reveals much to us about God’s heart and how He cares for us.  Let us examine what God’s law says about vows and covenants.  

In the Bible, vows are promises made to God.  Vows to God were sometimes used to establish covenants between people.  A covenant is a voluntary, mutual agreement made between people. Malachi 2:14 refers to marriage as a covenant.  

After a vow was made, it was to be performed (Psalm 50:14).  Vows, therefore, were to be made only after careful consideration (Proverbs 20:25 ) and in keeping with what pleased God (Leviticus 27:9-27).  However Old Testament law allowed vows to be annulled through the process of redemption (Leviticus 27:1-25), which involved the payment of money.  The Law allowed redemption of property, animals, and individuals (slaves, prisoners, indentured relatives) who were legally obligated to God or in bondage for other reasons.  This law offered a merciful release from bondage.  

Not infrequently an abusive husband will try to hurt and demoralize his wife by repeatedly telling her that he never really wanted to marry her in the first place, or that she should leave.  He may not be aware that according to Numbers 30:13-15, he is nullifying her marriage vows:  

“Her husband may confirm or nullify any vow she makes…. If, however, he nullifies them some time after he hears about them, then he is responsible for her guilt.” (Numbers 30:13,15)  

As mentioned earlier, Malachi 2:14 refers to marriage as a covenant-- a mutual agreement made between two people.  Most wedding ceremonies include mutual vows of love, protection, help, and care.  What if a spouse repeatedly violates these vows by abusing and harming his marriage partner?  In Malachi 2:13-16 God reprimands the men of Israel for mistreating their wives and thereby acting against the covenant of marriage:   

And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. …Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.  For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.  (Mal 2:13-16, KJV)  

When domestic violence violates the marriage covenant, it breaks the mutual agreement established in the vows.  If a woman must escape a domestic violence marriage, the abuse has already broken the covenant vows.  Jesus may have had this passage of Malachi in mind when he taught that God allowed divorce because of hardness of hardness of heart (Mark 10:2-9).   

Women caught in domestic violence have a God whose Word declares His compassion and mercy for them.  He is our “kinsman redeemer” and our refuge, who does not use vows to entrap His people in destructive situations.

 Discussion Question:

1.  Old Testament covenants involved mutual oaths to perform certain obligations, similar to a contract.  If one party failed to perform the obligation, the covenant was broken (see Joshua 23:16 ). If an abuser continues to violate his wedding vows and covenant, can the victim by herself restore the covenant?